Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................
16 comments:
That is a classic!
Momma was laffin so hard she nearly fell off her chair! Captain Jack did you see my little surprise for you I did on our blog?
Hi Fagin and Dante!!
Purrs and Headbumpies
Your devoted lady love
Miss Boo
Yup, that sums it up nicely! 'Cept we like living with our Mom!
We haven't felt like blogging all week. But we had to stop by and say hi!
Purrs.
this was awesome and a much needed laff!!!!
FAGIN!!! PLAYPLAYPLAYPLAYPLAY!!!! -Billy
Hahahah...dat is one of mom's favorites.
That was great! Mind if I borrow it??
That is too funny! I do not know why, but calling the Stinky Goodness "hash" seems very, very hilarious.
Ha ha - that was excellent! And so very true! Thanks for the laugh guys!
That was good and made us smile. Willow and I are sending over some hugs to all of you!
Purrrrrs, China Cat
Is Fagin staying away from the tub now??? hehe
That is a great one :-D
That one makes mom laugh too...everytime! Thanks for the laugh!
Wally, Ernie & Zoey
Ha ha! I concur that this is never un-funny and makes me chuckle every single time. It's so true!
Hey - those are all my favorite things! Wait, did I miss a joke?
Hi Beaux! Do you see something interesting? I'm sorry I haven't been around much, but between Mommy being busy, then sick it's been hard for me to get around much. I sure am glad that you and your Mommy are feeling better!
Woofs and hugs,
George
Oh yeah, buddies--an oldie but goodie!
Your buddy, Jimmy Joe
We love that e-mail. We think Mom has a copy of it saved so that when she gets mad at people at work, she can pull it out and read it and cheer herself up so she doesn't strangle them instead.
Tiki, Tavi, Cody, Camie and Miss Jade
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